The Surface
by rockinviolinist
Summary: Makoto hasn't been himself lately, and Haru needs to find out why. During an impromptu sleepover, Haru learns that Makoto has been suffering from terrible nightmares.


Makoto's head was pounding, a pulsing pain in his temples threatening to do him in. He was over at Haru's house, and it was what, 11:30? God, they'd been studying for almost seven hours straight. Midterms were going to kill him.

With an exhausted sigh, Makoto finally laid his pen down in his English textbook and took off his glasses, blinking at the slight blurriness that now took over his vision. He rubbed his temples a few times before looking over at his "study partner".

Said partner was dozing off with his head in his hand, pushing his cheek up in an adorable way and skewing his mouth so it was open slightly open. Soft, shiny black hair hung across his forehead and tangled in his fingers. Every once in a while, a tiny snore escaped him.

Makoto didn't even realize he was staring until Haru's head slipped off his hand, and he woke up with an undignified gasp. If he was more awake, Makoto probably would've laughed aloud, but as it was he still couldn't hold back a chuckle. This earned him a tired glare before Haru yawned and stood up, his eyes already bright and awake. Makoto had always been jealous of his ability to recover from sleep so quickly.

"Makoto," Haru said as he collected some of his textbooks. A tired grunt was all he received, but he continued anyway.

"It's past midnight." No response. "And we have school tomorrow."

Suddenly, Makoto shot up. "Shoot, Haru, I'm just really tired, I didn't realize!" He quickly gathered his textbooks together and shoved them into his bag. "I'll leave right away so you can get some sleep, ok?"

"Makoto."

"It's alright, I'll walk back by myself, my house is right there -"

"Makoto!"

The sudden increase in volume stopped Makoto's hurried movements, and he looked up at his best friend from his place on the floor.

"Just sleep over. I already put the futon out."

Makoto knew it was ridiculous, but his entire body froze at the suggestion. He couldn't sleep over, not tonight. He didn't know why, and this frustrated him to no end, but for the past three weeks he'd been having nightmares. Unrelenting, sweat-and-cry-and-scream in your sleep kind of nightmares. Every single night. He knows he's scaring the shit out of his parents, who (more than once) have had to come to his room in the dead of night to make sure he wasn't being murdered or something, and the twins, who're scared to sleep next to him now because of how much he thrashed in his sleep.

His family thinks he's been getting better, however, because it's been a few nights since his last bad one. But that's really just because he hasn't been sleeping.

He'd been avoiding sleepovers for that reason for these past few weeks, and he knows that Haru's noticed something's up. Well, _everyone _knows that something's up. His backstroke times have suffered, he hasn't been eating as much, and there's dark, almost purple bags perpetually under his eyes. He thought he'd managed to fool everyone by claiming he had a cold, but as he had guessed, he could never really fool Haru.

And as far as Haru knew, there was really no legitimate reason for him _not _to sleep over. It would be really strange if he insisted on leaving, and he knew it.

"A-ah, ok, if you want me to," Makoto stuttered, smiling at Haru. Haru only rolled his eyes in an _Of course I do, idiot _sort of way, making Makoto's smile a little wider.

He could do this, Makoto thought as he slipped on an old shirt that Haru had borrowed (read: stolen) a long time ago. He just needed to pretend like he was asleep until he was sure Haru was out, then he could spend the rest of the night reading to keep himself awake. No sleep, no nightmares, no awkward questions. Everything would be fine.

But as he bid Haru good night and laid his head down on the old futon that he'd slept on almost as much as his own bed, his entire plan went to hell. Two days straight without sleep caught up to him all at once and the warm embrace of sleep enveloped him, whether he wanted it to or not.

* * *

_He dove into the pool, the crystal clear water enveloping him entirely as his legs kicked behind him. The crowd was cheering, his team yelling, but all Makoto could hear was the water splashing in his ears and he cut through the water. If he kept this up, he would beat his old personal record. By a lot. _

_Adrenaline pumped through him as he kept going, counting his strokes as the flags passed over his head. Twenty more, and it was time to turn._

_But twenty strokes came and went, and more flags kept appearing over his head. This was a standard sized pool, he should have turned by now, what was going on? _

_In a risky move, Makoto turned his head so he could see the other side of the pool. In that moment, water splashed in his eyes and throat and he gagged, wait, where did his goggles go, oh god_

_There was no end of the pool. It stretched on and on, farther than he could see. In a state of panic, he turned back to face where he started, only to find the same expanse of water. The bleachers full of people were gone. His team, all the teams, were gone. _

_He spun around in the now freezing water, splashing everywhere. On all sides there was nothing but water and sky. _

_The water was no longer clear, either. An almost black pigment swirled through the water like dye, coloring it like the night sky. Makoto saw the color moving toward him and started to swim away, but it caught up in that split second and surrounded him. _

_He felt like he was in an ice bath, like that one time he'd strained his back and Haru had forced him to take one to make him feel better-_

_Haru._

_He started to scream Haru's name. "Haru! Haru! Har-" But before he could finish the third desperate yell, something cold wrapped around his ankle and pulled. _

_He went under without any air in his lungs, and the pain in his chest was excruciating. His chest constricted around his lungs as he fought the impulsive desire to exhale. Body finally won over mind, however, and his last bit of air came out as a stream of bubbles. _

_Makoto gripped his throat, covered his mouth, anything to stop him from inhaling, but it was no good. Whatever had grabbed his ankle was still pulling him down, and he could no longer see the surface. A strangled sob escaped him and he reflexively inhaled the surrounding water, which now tasted like salt as it burned his mouth and nose and throat while it made its way into his body._

_He remembered from his early swimming lessons that when someone was drowning, it just feels like going to sleep because of lack of oxygen to the brain. But Makoto was completely awake, completely aware of his body slowly dying. He just wanted it to stop. He had never wanted to die so badly._

_Finally, the thing on his ankle released him and suddenly, everything turned upside down; he was no longer in the dark ocean, but in murky-brown, fast moving water._

_A river._

_His lungs still felt like they were going to explode, but he couldn't reach the surface – it was only feet away, but it might as well have been a mile. All he could do was lay on his back as more water rushed into his throat, causing him to gag and cry._

_As his hands were wrapped around his throat, Makoto noticed a shadow pass over the surface, human-shaped and slowly floating. His chest filling with hope, Makoto reached upward and thrashed with everything he had left to get their attention. _

_Haru's face came into view, but it wasn't the Haru he knew. It was the Haru from when he was only twelve, and his face was swollen almost beyond recognition. Blood floated around his scalp and his bright blue eyes were wide open, staring down at Makoto lifelessly._

_Makoto couldn't take it, and he screamed and screamed and water ran down his throat once more, filling his lungs and ripping him apart from the inside and oh god Haru nonono this can't be happening it can't and he chokes and thrashes and Haru starts to sink until his tiny dead body is laying on top of him and Makoto can't move anymore and Haru's face is staring right at his oh god he's dead he's dead I killed him he's dead momdadrenrannagisareiringou Haru Haru Haru Haru help me please but there's no one else and the water burns and all he can do is inhale the salt and his head is going to explode and he_

Wakes up

He screams, louder than ever had before and there's a weight on his chest that he can't see because he can't really see _anything. _His eyes are filled with tears that are running down his face and his ears are ringing and there's _still a weight on his chest _that won't go away no matter how hard he thrashes.

"Makoto!"

As the ringing subsides he can hear somebody sobbing. And somebody yelling something, over and over.

"Makoto, wake up! Makoto!"

His chest still feels like it's being crushed and he can't scream anymore, it hurts too much, so the sounds he's making sound more like shrill wails than screaming. But as he finally starts to quiet down, he registers the other voice in the room.

"Dammit Makoto, wake up! Please! Please wake up!"

Haru nearly passed out from relief when Makoto's eyes opened completely, finally registering that he was in Haru's room, _his _Haru, who was alive and well and staring at him like he was on his deathbed.

"Haru…ka…?" Makoto choked out, vaguely reminding Haru of that horrible night at the beach. Haru nodded anxiously, and Makoto's eyes widened. He stood up without any warning, knocking Haru, who had been sitting on his chest, to the floor.

He had to get out of here. He couldn't _believe_ that had happened in front of Haru, oh god, Haru was going to hate him, he should just leave now, it'd be better for the both of them.

However, when Makoto stood up, he found he couldn't move his feet. They felt oddly heavy, and so did his head, and soon the entire room was tipping to the side.

He was saved from crashing into the floor by Haru, who caught him under his arms and pulled him over to the bed before he could get up again. Tears ran down Makoto's face once again as he finally accepted his situation, and he buried his head in Haru's shoulder without a second thought.

Haru wrapped his arms around his shivering friend, his own heart pounding hard. Makoto felt gentle hands rub his back and heard soft murmurs in his ear. Slowly his sobs turned into hiccups and silent tears, until finally he managed to stop altogether.

"I-I'm sorry," Makoto whispered in Haru's shoulder, then pulled away. Haru looked at him silently, hands still grasping Makoto's forearms.

"I'm ok now…"

"You were choking." Makoto looked up at Haru in surprise, and Haru kept going.

"You were choking really badly. I thought you'd thrown up. You kept screaming and thrashing and then you started crying." Makoto refused to look at him. "How long?"

Makoto looked up and tried to smile. "I'm fine, Haru, it's not like-"

"How long."

Following a defeated sigh, "Three weeks."

Haru felt like he was going to start crying. His best friend had been suffering for three weeks while he had done _nothing. _Makoto must have seen the horrified expression in Haru's face because he immediately started to panic.

"Haru, no, it's not your fault, and it's not that bad, really, it's just a nightmare," he blurted out. Haru only looked at him, biting his lip. Then he shook his head and leapt forward, hugging Makoto around his waist tightly. He could feel Makoto shivering and the cold sweat that covered him.

"You know I'm never going to leave you, right?"

"What?"

"You were screaming my name."

"Oh," was all that Makoto could manage, and he was sure his face was a bright, flaming red.

By this point, Makoto was basically in Haru's lap as the hugged. Haru was slowly tracing the muscles in Makoto's back as he waited until, finally, his breathing slowed down to normal, and the question that had been burning in Haru's mind finally made its way out.

"Why didn't you tell anybody?"

He felt Makoto stiffen slightly. "Because it's pathetic," he whispered.

"You're not pathetic!" Haru almost shouted. Makoto looked at him in surprise, and Haru flushed a bit. "Well, you're not," he mumbled, burying his face in Makoto's shirt. And if Makoto's face hadn't been buried in Haru's hair, he might've missed what he said next.

"You're brave. And…I love you."

"Haru…!" Makoto gasped. He didn't know which was more surprising – that Haru thought he was brave, or that he…that he loved him…?

Haru sat up as Makoto sputtered. "Makoto, I'm not going anywhere. You're not going to drown. I won't let anything happen. I swear."

Makoto's chest constricted, but this time, it was a good feeling.

"Haru?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

The look of pure joy that filled Haru's face was unlike anything Makoto had ever seen, and he smiled his first real smile in a long time.

Makoto looked over at the alarm clock, which read 2:17 in dim red numbers. He turned his gaze back to Haru and, with his hands on his knees, whispered, "Um…is it ok…I mean, can I sleep with…with you?"

But Haru had already grabbed the pillow off the futon and flipped it so the sweaty side was down, and placed it next to his pillow on the bed. "I want you to," he said, already getting under the covers.

The bed was only big enough if they disregarded any notion of personal space, but they didn't really mind. Makoto laid on his side, curled into Haru's front, their legs tangled together and arms awkwardly placed over and under each other. But Makoto had never felt more comfortable in his life as he let Haru's slow, steady heartbeat lull him into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
